Something’s Gotta Give…

I really wish the CCAC workers had to actually deal with their own family member(s) because I can bet they would want something done really fast!

Yesterday, grandma hit my mom.  My mom has said so many times that she didn’t think grandma would ever hurt her despite my warnings.  The biggest question I ask myself now is what do I do about it?  Nobody seems to want to listen, or make an effort to do anything about it!  Do I make another attempt to call or fax the doctor?  What else can she do?  She could start the antidepressants which might help some.  I know she seems to be in the throes of another bladder infection but how many excuses does my mom need to make?

All of grandma’s behaviour still has me wondering what she was like as a child… was she spoiled because she was the only girl?  Her father was her favourite and she told my mom that she and her mother didn’t get along well when she was young.  Again I wish my great-grandmother was still here to ask.  Again I wish that I was a wiser thirteen-year-old and could have thought to ask then.  But at thirteen you don’t think of the adults around you getting older.  You don’t think of them falling apart like this… especially grandma as nobody else in the family had Alzheimer’s.

So I find myself in a dilemma, wondering what to do.  My mom can’t keep going through this and my mom can’t keep making excuses.  Bladder infection or not, I don’t care.  This behaviour is hiding beneath the surface and with each infection she has, it seems to take another chunk out of her brain.

The new home opens tomorrow for admissions and I so wish that she’d be one of the ones going.

My mom didn’t send her to the day program today because of the bruises she has.  She almost fell twice going through the sliding doors so has bruises from hitting her arms on the door frame, then later she hit my mom who, in turn, reached out and grabbed her hands to stop her from doing it again.  Grandma’s skin is so thin that she bruises that easily and my mom didn’t want them to think she was abusing her… they’d know by now if that was the case, she’s been going for a couple of months now with no marks.  Sometimes s**t happens and most medical staff (I being one of them) know that.

But it’s so hard to day-by-day watch her recede into the unknown… to become someone we don’t recognize and vice versa.

It’s incredibly sad and nobody will do anything to help.

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In Hospital… Tour #2

I hate to use army terminology there but grandma is now on her second tour in hospital.  She’s at the other area hospital this time.

Her doctor made a house call Tuesday evening and rediagnosed her with pneumonia.  Started her on antibiotics.  Wednesday morning she did great in the morning apparently but by the time I saw her at lunch she was really down–she ate like a bird and was mumbling.  Thursday morning my mom was all concerned because every time she walked she got all shaky and short of breath.  I was trying to assess her via text message!  Anyway, went over and told mom to call the doctor first.  Turns out the doctor said to take her to emerg.  So off they went.

The chest x-ray didn’t show pneumonia and the doctor was ready to send her home except that she couldn’t get up and walk at all (physio had brought a walker) and he told her if she can’t walk, he can’t send her home.

So she’s been in since Thursday.  Once more we have treks up to visit.  They did a CT of her chest on Friday which indicates (to me anyway) that they saw something on x-ray, or it concerned them that they saw nothing on x-ray.  BUT, the nurses won’t give the results because the doctor hasn’t seen the results.

She again wants to go home and doesn’t understand that she has to stay.  Unfortunately this time, we can’t even give her a reason why she has to stay.

I’m concerned because they did the CT.  She never smoked, but her father did I believe.  She worked in a shirt factory so a lot less in the contamination department but there could have been asbestos in there for all we know.  So we wait yet another day…

Yesterday they moved her to a ward and she kept asking who all these people were when we were up last evening.  And the numbers in her mind seemed to multiply.  By the time we left she was talking about having to put in bunk beds!  I feel badly for her not understanding… not having the ability to understand what is happening to her.  It’s difficult to even imagine what that would be like.

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Why?

Anyone who has ever known someone with Alzheimer’s will understand the question I ask.  I was raised going to church and though I haven’t been in several years I feel I am close to God and I pray and I talk to him though, as usual, he rarely speaks back except to give me “gut feelings”.  I digress… so I struggle with Why? quite often.

Watching my grandma in hospital the last 10 days has been heartbreaking.  Medically, she’s well.  The pneumonia and bladder infections have gone.  She was “very weak” we were told.  Tuesday they got her up with the walker and she barely moved.  Wednesday, apparently, she booted it all the way down the hall.  They were going to get her on the stairs on Thursday but Thursday she was “too tired” so they either didn’t get her up or she didn’t really do much for them.  Friday was a disaster.  So she remains an inpatient and we all sit by and wonder what will happen next.

But I find myself asking the question Why?  Why did she have to develop this evil disease in the first place?  Was it because she had such an unpleasant life that it’s best that she not continue to live in that past?  She often brought up her trials and tribulations when we spoke of ours.  For quite some time now she hasn’t wanted to do that.

Last night she told us to wait while she got out of bed and got dressed to go home.  We tried to explain to her that she can’t walk.  That we can’t take care of her because she needs 2 people just to get her from the bed to a commode.  We are not equipped at the house to do that, nor could my mom look after her once the weekend is through and everyone returns to work.  My mom has a bad back and 2 bad knees.  I have a worse back than she and now 1 bad knee.  I am an RN in a family practice because I can’t do the lifting a hospital nurse does.

But she can’t understand that.  And I stress the word can’t because her Alzheimer’s riddled brain doesn’t allow her to understand those things.  And it’s so very frustrating.  Some days she’s clear and understands but others, there is no talking to her.  There can be no explanations.  Walking out of the room leaving her in tears broke my heart but I could have stood by her bedside until midnight trying to explain to her that she can’t walk.

A small part of me (maybe the parent) can’t help but want to tell her “okay, get out of bed, I’ll wait” and then stand by as she falls out of bed… yes, that is a cruel thought and there is no way the hospital would allow it because of litigation reasons but we just get that frustrated.  I can’t imagine what it would actually be like to have dementia and I try incredibly hard to be patient and understanding but, and it’s been said before, dementia patients are like children.  But sometimes we have to let our children take the fall in order to learn and understand.  With a dementia patient you can’t do that because they don’t learn and understand.

Sometimes I can’t help but wonder if she’s given up, in part.  Perhaps she’s forgotten how to walk.  I know of another dementia patient who forgot how to walk.  Mechanically nothing is wrong, but they literally forgot how to do it.  But then a small part wonders if she’s just given up and if she’ll ever come home.

We’ve been in a holding pattern all weekend because physiotherapists don’t work weekends, doctors don’t work weekends, CCAC staff don’t work weekends.  So we’ll see what tomorrow will bring.  I think it would be best if they got her into long-term care right from the hospital.  A small part of me wishes she could at least see home once more but I think that would make it worse.  My mom was already told this week that she requires 24 hour care and that we need to list our top 5 nursing homes.  That’s not a good sign.

My mom got really sick this week.  Flu?  Bad cold? Not sure but she missed visiting for 3 days.  We picked up the visits but my aunt and uncle haven’t shown their face here yet.  It would be nice to have that extra pair of bodies to visit but they don’t deal with illness well.  My uncle actually commended my mom at Christmas for being able to deal with this day in and day out.  Gee thanks.  Not a lot of comfort in light of recent events.

We will see what tomorrow brings.  IF I get the opportunity, I will make more frequent (and shorter) posts to keep this updated.

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Scary…

My parents have two dogs, an aging Golden Retriever who sometimes isn’t as patient as he used to be and a Pug cross who is 4 years old.  For whatever reason, grandma seems to have it in for the poor Golden.  She is constantly grabbing and holding his nose and she’ll tell him he’s bad and a pain in the “butt”.  I’m afraid one of these days he’s going to snap at her.

She is constantly letting the dogs out and in again and yet yesterday when we were outside she told our poor Golden that she was not letting him in again and yet he hadn’t been in because we were all outside!

It wasn’t a great day yesterday for her.  We were all watching the baseball game, the Jays had bases loaded and there was a field shot on TV.  Grandma says that there were just way too many people on the field and that it used to be that only so many were allowed and they all had their place to be.

Doesn’t take much to load a baseball diamond really.  With bases loaded, you’re looking at 22 people on the field including 2 bat boys/girls and the on-deck batter.  But that’s just where her mind is at.

She also looked horrible.  She was complaining of the pain in her leg again which she said she was going to walk off and then stood but as soon as I sat down, so did she.

It’s no wonder my mom is going crazy… it’s scary!

 

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