In Hospital… Tour #2

I hate to use army terminology there but grandma is now on her second tour in hospital.  She’s at the other area hospital this time.

Her doctor made a house call Tuesday evening and rediagnosed her with pneumonia.  Started her on antibiotics.  Wednesday morning she did great in the morning apparently but by the time I saw her at lunch she was really down–she ate like a bird and was mumbling.  Thursday morning my mom was all concerned because every time she walked she got all shaky and short of breath.  I was trying to assess her via text message!  Anyway, went over and told mom to call the doctor first.  Turns out the doctor said to take her to emerg.  So off they went.

The chest x-ray didn’t show pneumonia and the doctor was ready to send her home except that she couldn’t get up and walk at all (physio had brought a walker) and he told her if she can’t walk, he can’t send her home.

So she’s been in since Thursday.  Once more we have treks up to visit.  They did a CT of her chest on Friday which indicates (to me anyway) that they saw something on x-ray, or it concerned them that they saw nothing on x-ray.  BUT, the nurses won’t give the results because the doctor hasn’t seen the results.

She again wants to go home and doesn’t understand that she has to stay.  Unfortunately this time, we can’t even give her a reason why she has to stay.

I’m concerned because they did the CT.  She never smoked, but her father did I believe.  She worked in a shirt factory so a lot less in the contamination department but there could have been asbestos in there for all we know.  So we wait yet another day…

Yesterday they moved her to a ward and she kept asking who all these people were when we were up last evening.  And the numbers in her mind seemed to multiply.  By the time we left she was talking about having to put in bunk beds!  I feel badly for her not understanding… not having the ability to understand what is happening to her.  It’s difficult to even imagine what that would be like.

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Why?

Anyone who has ever known someone with Alzheimer’s will understand the question I ask.  I was raised going to church and though I haven’t been in several years I feel I am close to God and I pray and I talk to him though, as usual, he rarely speaks back except to give me “gut feelings”.  I digress… so I struggle with Why? quite often.

Watching my grandma in hospital the last 10 days has been heartbreaking.  Medically, she’s well.  The pneumonia and bladder infections have gone.  She was “very weak” we were told.  Tuesday they got her up with the walker and she barely moved.  Wednesday, apparently, she booted it all the way down the hall.  They were going to get her on the stairs on Thursday but Thursday she was “too tired” so they either didn’t get her up or she didn’t really do much for them.  Friday was a disaster.  So she remains an inpatient and we all sit by and wonder what will happen next.

But I find myself asking the question Why?  Why did she have to develop this evil disease in the first place?  Was it because she had such an unpleasant life that it’s best that she not continue to live in that past?  She often brought up her trials and tribulations when we spoke of ours.  For quite some time now she hasn’t wanted to do that.

Last night she told us to wait while she got out of bed and got dressed to go home.  We tried to explain to her that she can’t walk.  That we can’t take care of her because she needs 2 people just to get her from the bed to a commode.  We are not equipped at the house to do that, nor could my mom look after her once the weekend is through and everyone returns to work.  My mom has a bad back and 2 bad knees.  I have a worse back than she and now 1 bad knee.  I am an RN in a family practice because I can’t do the lifting a hospital nurse does.

But she can’t understand that.  And I stress the word can’t because her Alzheimer’s riddled brain doesn’t allow her to understand those things.  And it’s so very frustrating.  Some days she’s clear and understands but others, there is no talking to her.  There can be no explanations.  Walking out of the room leaving her in tears broke my heart but I could have stood by her bedside until midnight trying to explain to her that she can’t walk.

A small part of me (maybe the parent) can’t help but want to tell her “okay, get out of bed, I’ll wait” and then stand by as she falls out of bed… yes, that is a cruel thought and there is no way the hospital would allow it because of litigation reasons but we just get that frustrated.  I can’t imagine what it would actually be like to have dementia and I try incredibly hard to be patient and understanding but, and it’s been said before, dementia patients are like children.  But sometimes we have to let our children take the fall in order to learn and understand.  With a dementia patient you can’t do that because they don’t learn and understand.

Sometimes I can’t help but wonder if she’s given up, in part.  Perhaps she’s forgotten how to walk.  I know of another dementia patient who forgot how to walk.  Mechanically nothing is wrong, but they literally forgot how to do it.  But then a small part wonders if she’s just given up and if she’ll ever come home.

We’ve been in a holding pattern all weekend because physiotherapists don’t work weekends, doctors don’t work weekends, CCAC staff don’t work weekends.  So we’ll see what tomorrow will bring.  I think it would be best if they got her into long-term care right from the hospital.  A small part of me wishes she could at least see home once more but I think that would make it worse.  My mom was already told this week that she requires 24 hour care and that we need to list our top 5 nursing homes.  That’s not a good sign.

My mom got really sick this week.  Flu?  Bad cold? Not sure but she missed visiting for 3 days.  We picked up the visits but my aunt and uncle haven’t shown their face here yet.  It would be nice to have that extra pair of bodies to visit but they don’t deal with illness well.  My uncle actually commended my mom at Christmas for being able to deal with this day in and day out.  Gee thanks.  Not a lot of comfort in light of recent events.

We will see what tomorrow brings.  IF I get the opportunity, I will make more frequent (and shorter) posts to keep this updated.

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In Hospital…

Mom found grandma on the floor in her kitchen yesterday afternoon.  Called 911 and they were whisked away.  Hours went by with no news and we finally got what we wanted this morning.  She has a really bad bladder infection with urinary retention and pneumonia.  They’re keeping her in until Sunday and giving her IV antibiotics.  Went to see her this morning and she knew who I was though my parents and brother were not so lucky when they arrived.  She only smiled at them but couldn’t name them.

Mom is out of town for the night so I’m not sure if this was good or bad timing.  My brother and I will be standing watch and going to see her.  My part-time job is interfering but so far I’m not booked too bad and I’m praying it stays that way to give me the chance to do what I need to do.

Here’s praying she does get through this.  She has no weight to lose.

Stay tuned…

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